Where Things Come Back
by Caitlynnn
Summary: Franky runaway's from everything. It doesn't matter what it is she can't stay in the same place for too long. But this is a story where things come back from the dead, her old ghosts start to come back and she's left to face them. An inner working of Franky Fitzgerald and who she is as a person. Oneshot. Drabble. Rated M for swearing.


**I adore Franky Fitzgerald. Aside from Effy, she is the only girl that I can relate with on the show. Skins has saved my life, honestly. I love it so much. I know a lot of people hate Franky, and I don't blame them, but I honestly just love Franky way too much. I'm adopted and I've been through that care home stuff, and it's hard. I often feel the things that Franky feels, and I've had my own Luke, Matty, and Nick in my life. This is just really an inner workings of Franky and what goes inside of her head. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Reviews are lovely.**

**Don't own Skins or Franky. **

_**Where Things Come Back.**_

Most people wouldn't understand what it was like to know that your mother gave you up. They just didn't get it. Franky knew this but she still kept on because that's all she could do in these moments of sadness. They often came out of nowhere. She was sad and she just wanted it to go away, and she knew that they just wouldn't.

Deep down in her soul she knew that it would never go away, that abandonment feeling. There was something much bigger brewing inside of her and she knew it. She sighed though, as she lit her cigarette. It was twelve in the morning; she had snuck outside and sat on the steps of her dad's house. She couldn't even call it her house because she didn't think she belonged there anymore. She knew that they cared, but that didn't mean she had to.

There were so many things wrong with her and she just couldn't name one thing that was good. She was never satisfied. People called her selfish because she had two boys who were desperately in love with her. She had the world in her palms, and she could take it one way and they would follow. Franky Fitzgerald wasn't who she used to be.

She knew this, too. A year ago she would let people push her around, shove her. A year ago she didn't dare cross Mini's wrong side, or push Liv too far, or tempt Gracie in anyway. Her only friends were Alo and Rich at that time. But now? She had herself. And only herself. She had royally fucked it up with all the people she once called friends. She ran away from people when they started to get close. She manipulated her dads and bended them backwards. Sometimes she liked it, other times she hated herself.

Grace was dead because of her and she missed her so fucking much and she knew that it was all her fault because every time she looked at Rich she saw sadness. She never knew what it was like to love someone wholeheartedly. She had no idea what love was. Her experiences with love were being fucked over by it.

She remembers one night in particular; it was about seven in a care home in Oxford, before her dads adopted her. She was sitting down with the little four-year-old boys as they sat down and coloured. She had joined them because the people at the other table kicked her out, saying that she was too weird. She had coloured inside and outside the lines. The boys asked her what she was doing here, and she told them that they were nicer than the older kids.

And then there was a handsome guy, he walked by the table, he offered his hand and she took it. They escaped the care home and went out on an adventure. It was the most fun she had in ages. It had hurt that they were the near the end because they were walking back to the care home, knowing that they were going to get in trouble.

Franky didn't care. She had fun, the most fun she had ever, it seemed like.

The boy said to her, "I have to say goodbye, now." Franky merely smiled and then nodded.

"I want to show you something to remember me by." He said and then he kissed her. It had caught her off guard, she had never been kissed before, but she was kissing him back. It was powerful to her. Was this what love tasted like? Unexpected and carelessly?

But then he backed her against the wall and his hands searched up and down her body, she tried pushing him away, he slapped her, told her she was a stupid bitch, and then he kissed her more roughly. She couldn't scream for help as he pulled down her pants and then her underwear. He had then took off his own, and then grabbed a condom from his back pocket.

He told her to stand still.

He told her to be quiet.

He told her that it would hurt.

He told her he hated her.

He told her she was beautiful.

He told her she was freak.

He told her that's what raped felt like.

He knew it, too.

He had raped her, plunged inside of her, went as deep as he could go, and she screamed and bled, and she tried to stop the pain, but she cried into his shoulder and he let her for a while and after he whispered, "I felt nothing." He said that she was beautiful, and then he slapped her again.

She had gone back to the care home, her pants soiled, and she didn't know what to do with herself.

She had taken a bath and then she cried herself to sleep in the tub. The people had found her in there and they asked her if she was okay she nodded her head and said, "I go into these, like, phases... I guess." She shook her head and then she went to sleep.

From that day on, it would carve her relationship with boys, friendships, and family: fickle, threatening, and scary.

She could never be with someone for so long because she was afraid that they would hurt her. They usually did, but before they hurt her she hurt them simply because she could and because she wanted to have the upper hand in the pain. She hurt so much and she blamed everyone else for her hurt. She didn't want to be like this she just was.

"I really fucked it up, Grace." She whispered. "I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do." She said to no one but herself. The cold air was beginning to be too much for her. She desperately wanted to be in someone's arms. She didn't want any strings attached, she just wanted to hold hands with someone, and let them be cute with her. Because after Luke, the last thing she wanted was aggressiveness. Though she had to admire Luke, because he was not afraid to break her heart. She needed someone strong like him to break her hurt. Not someone like Matty who treated her like glass, or someone like Nick who tried to fix her.

She didn't need fucking saving.

She needed someone fucking there.

It was like this thing that had pulled her from who she used to be. Someone innocent and very much loving; she let people treat her like utter shit because it made them happy. She wasn't nice to many people, but when she was, she really loved you.

No one wanted to treat Franky badly anymore because she would find a way to headfuck you in every possible way. One day she could be happy, and loving everyone, the next day she could be cold and bitter and just use you in every possible way.

"Sometimes I do things... and I know that I do them... I just wish I could, like, stop doing them... I... I don't know why I'm like that. I do things because they're easy, accessible." She stopped talking and then closed her eyes as the wind blew over her face.

She had then got up from where she was sitting, stomped her cigarette on the ground and started walking down her street.

Being Matty after a while was like a chore. They'd talk, fuck, talk, fuck, talk and then fuck. It was a continual regular thing that they always did. She got so tired of talking and fucking. She got tired of how simple it was. She hated that he treated her right. She fucking hated how much he cared. She didn't want him to care. Not at all.

And with Luke, he was someone who didn't care at all.

"Silly girl," Grace said, she looked at across the street, Grace was in her visions tonight. Franky tried to shake her away but Grace crossed the street to Franky. "Silly girl." She said again and then gave Franky a hug.

"Leave me alone." Franky said in a harsh tone.

"You called for me, so I came." Grace said and then she held out her hand for Franky and Franky sighed as she took her hand.

"Silly girl for thinking that they boy who didn't care about anything would care about you." Grace said and then she kissed Franky's shoulder.

"You're a mess, Franks." She said and then laughed lightly and messed with her hair.

"Franky badass." She smiled softly and Franky was already crying.

"I'm so lost, Grace." She said, her voice tightening and Grace shrugged. "Yeah? Try being dead."

"Try being the one who killed you." Franky snapped back.

She was talking to a ghost.

"It would have happened anyway." Grace said with a sad smile.

And then Grace was gone.

"Grace... Grace!" But she was gone, nowhere to be seen. For a while, that is.

And then she thought of Nick. She had no idea why he loved her, and she had no idea why he cared. But she guessed in a way, that she knew, he thought he could fix her. He thought that he loved the headfuck, and he did love the headfuck, but she just couldn't love him in the way he wanted her too.

But he needed her.

Matty needed her.

In a fucked up way, Luke needed her, too.

She never needed anyone.

Being in those care homes taught her to never need anyone because they could just be taken away from you.

"You need to stop running away or you're never really living." She remembers the night of the party with the confrontation of the two boys, and then Grace appearing.

She had thought she let her to rest, but really she didn't.

It hurt being adopted because it hurt to be loved so deeply.

"It had looked like the world had already forgotten about you." Her dad told her, after chasing Luke off.

Had the world forgotten about her?

Or had she made the world notice her with her running away?

She drew so much unnecessary attention that she didn't need.

She just wanted to know her mum that left her. She wanted to be loved by her mum; she wanted to be fully loved by her. She didn't know how to love anything, not really. She only knew how to love shortly and briefly. She didn't think she'd ever love someone fully.

To her dads, she was hope.

But hope was often shattered.

People called her a mind fuck and she prided herself on that. Maybe she was destined for it. The way she could twirl someone around her finger and they way they were oh so nice like vanilla like ice cream. Now, that's magic: The ability to fuck someone over and feel nothing was beautiful.

It was about one in the morning now; she was at the park, the place where kids come to kill their childhood. She had gotten on the swing and she kept on swinging until she was as high as she could go, she wasn't sure what she was doing, but she wished she was a bird. But even the birds were chained to the sky; their wings could only handle it for so long. And maybe Franky was a bird, she wasn't broken enough to fly. She flew wherever and she shit on people, who had shit on her, and she mated with people but it was never for life like she wanted.

She couldn't stand being in one place. It wasn't for her. She was the lone one out of everyone. Forever the outsider.

She came into this world as a tragedy and she'd end as one.

But in this moment as she was swinging on the swing set she thought about jumping off and just ruining everything she had built up, her walls, her caves of her soul. She could hear her bones crack as she thought about it. She heard her soul scream in pain as she let go.

She was flying in the air now, and when she hit the ground, the wind had knocked out of her and her head was in a bad place.

She lay down on the ground for a while and then she turned to where she was on her back. Maybe something was broken, but she looked up at the moon and then she placed her hand over it.

"I love you," she said, "to the moon and back."

She wasn't sure who she was directing that at.

Maybe Matty, maybe Nick.

Maybe both.

She didn't care who. She just wanted to say it because the girl who broke herself could never admit she loved someone until it was too late.

When she could breathe right she had gotten up and walked over back home, her dads were waiting there for her with a blanket.

"How did you know?" She said, and one dad picked the twigs out of her hair.

The other sadly looked at her and said, "We're your dads. We know when you runaway." They said as the other wrapped the blanket around her.

"Do..." she stopped herself as she started to cry again. "Do you think the world has really forgotten about me?" She asked looking down and they both held her tight.

"Only if you let it." They said and she sobbed until she felt her heart break.

She didn't want to be like this. She didn't want to feel this way about herself. She hated feeling like she was just nothing but destruction.

"I wish I could change it." She said to them.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." Her dad said, and that made her cry even more.

What does it mean to accept the love you think you deserve?

She went to Luke because he hurt her, is that what it meant? He was dangerous, and so was the man that raped her. They were both dangerous, so why did that feel comfortable for her?

Franky Fitzgerald was a lot of things. She knew she fucked it up, and she knew that she was a headfuck, she knew that she hurt people, and she knew what she could do, what she was capable of. But shed that apart and she was just someone who wanted to love and be loved.

When she finally went to bed she lay there and listened to herself breathe. She listened to herself be alive. She thought her sadness was beautiful. The ability to feel was just something that amazed her every single day.

She had to put something to rest.

Maybe it wouldn't be now or later, but it would come soon.

She'd probably always runaway, and she'd probably always headfuck people, and she'd probably always be sad. She'd forget people in her mind but then she'd come back. She always came back. But it wouldn't stop hurting. She did need to stop running away. But she figured out as she lay down, that she loved too much. And she wanted to love someone fully. Maybe it was Nick; maybe it was Matty, Luke or whoever. Maybe someday she could. But right now she knew that she was still a fucked up little girl with problems bigger than she could expect.

But this? She thought.

This is where things come back.

And that was okay.

**Review?**


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